LIVING WITH CONFLICT
Whilst we are living in that state known as ‘depression’, sometimes it’s hard to remain fully aware of the almost constant level of conflict or stress going on in our head because often it seems to have become the norm. Have you ever caught yourself saying ‘That’s just me, that’s just how I think; I’m simply a stressed out and negative sort of person’? This is where it’s important to keep in mind that it may not be the real you a lot of the time, experiencing this state of being, often it’s the depression at work (that chemistry and false perception).
If you manage to find the occasional moment where you are feeling a little positive vibe coming through, that’s more than likely the real you. It reminds me a little of those ‘possession’ movies you see on television, you know the ones where some poor human being is gradually possessed by an evil entity and friends, family or even priests are trying to get through to the person; ‘We know you’re still in there…c’mon, fight the demon! You can do it!’ Occasionally you catch glimpses of the innocent victim briefly emerging from the struggle, desperately calling out something along the lines of ‘Help me!’ Most often, the person possessed eventually wins the battle and expels the demon completely, returning to their true self. By the way, I want to make it perfectly clear that I’m not saying depression is a form of demonic possession (not at all), I just want you to relate to the idea that the real you is still in there battling away. It’s that part of you that still wants to believe you’re not all that bad. It’s the part of you that is longing to escape this torturous state of mind. Once you do manage to escape depression, it’s then that you can thank that persistent part of you for fighting and hanging on. Having been free of depression for some years, I still to this very day continue to thank that part of myself.
Whilst it is easy to see how the battle within a television storyline unfolds, depression is often no so easy to see coming. We don’t have the sinister background music playing in our life, the little hints leading up to the battle aren’t always recognisable and we don’t have some lead actor or obvious hero there to bail us out when our battle hits fever pitch. Unless we’re familiar with depression’s storyline, we can quite suddenly find our self standing alone in some dark psychological hole wondering how in fact we got there.
No matter the conflict we encounter, it does have its origin; there was a starting point. In other words, we don’t end up in that dark hole for no reason. And if I may be so bold as to suggest, the conflict we experience is often between lies and truth. Take a little time to ponder the idea… What mental conflict is causing you some level of pain? What are the lies you face, opposing a truth you are yet to commit to?
Are you in a dead end ‘loser’ job (opinion/lie) or are you making a living in order to support your family (a truth which makes you somewhat of a champion)? Are you telling yourself that your child is not meant to die before you (contrived belief) or are you accepting that life is uncertain for all, no matter age (truth)? Are you telling yourself that depression is a sign of weakness (lie) or you are a warrior who shows incredible strength and sometimes confusion or sadness whilst in search of freedom (truth)? Are you a ‘bad’ mother because you can’t breastfeed (lie) or are you a loving, wonderful and attentive mother who feeds her baby through formula, ensuring this baby does not starve (truth)? As a survivor of crime, are you telling yourself how weak or stupid you are (lie) or do you believe that whilst you have faced incredible adversity you can rise above your experience as a survivor (truth)? By the way, as a survivor of crime, have you considered that the lack of self-control shown by the perpetrator/s actually makes them weak, not you (truth)?
The above examples show obvious conflict. If one of those examples applies to you, how often do you swing between the lie and the truth on a weekly or even daily basis? Is the conflict constant? In reality, the mind, body and spirit cannot live contently within ongoing conflict; they will manifest unease or dis-ease until the conflict is resolved through some form of conscious management strategy.
At the end of the day, whilst we may be left feeling cursed having been born into such a seemingly torturous life, the truth involves us having been born into a mind, body and spirit system that at times can quite obviously show us that intense conflict does not facilitate our evolution (until it is resolved). This system shows us that enlightenment cannot be experienced within a constant state of darkness; enlightenment is typically not found within lies.
Perhaps it is time you contemplate the idea of setting out to find the truth, for in the brilliance of the truth you will come to know your most authentic self.