CREATING REFERENCE

It’s quite strange when you consider that much of our life, regarding our decisions and how we behave, comes down to REFERENCE. For example, when we are faced with a challenge we’ve never dealt with before, we may refer to encouragement from others before taking on a difficult task. If there is no one to encourage us we may refer to inspiration of a different type, perhaps following in the footsteps of some brave soul in history who paved the path toward change. Even with the most basic of reference points motivating us, like acknowledging a depletion of food stocks in the house, we set out to alter the situation. But what happens when our reference points are not so simple, clear or relatable?

It is hard to deny that one of the greatest challenges we face in life relates to grief. Whether we are grieving due to the loss of a person, place or thing or even a sense of loss of self, our positive reference point/s can become a little unclear throughout such processes. If we cannot find a focal point to help us get through our grief, we may find our self lost in a place of darkness, with our mindset seemingly closed off to any source of light. Sounds a little bleak and dramatic perhaps but it is a stark reality for some.

In some cases, the light we so desperately seek within grief or depression may be found through shared experience only. Personally, having been a part of a group set on navigating depression, I recall that moment when I found a sense of normality. The people around me had their own reasons for their depression, just as I had mine, yet we all shared common factors. One of those things we shared was the frustration of dealing with an out of control brain, hell bent on dictating how dark things could get. It was quite strange to be a part of a group of people laughing whilst comparing notes about how dysfunctional we were. Here I was all this time thinking how alone and screwed up I was on my rollercoaster ride of anger, sadness, despair, mood swings, lethargy, obsession with control and so on. Finally, I found other people on that same ride, trying to figure out how to get off the damned thing. You see, that’s the thing about reference; sometimes you just don’t have it in your life until others (who understand) help bring it into focus. I should add that it was this group setting which created both the focus and light I had been searching for, freeing me from my fifteen-year battle with depression.

I admit, joining a support group can be rather confronting. ‘Why would I want others to know how I am failing? I don’t even know these people. They’re going to think I’m idiotic and weak. How is a group going to help me when nothing else has?’ You know that sort of talk. In fact, it’s the talk of the saboteur, not that part of you so desperately longing to evolve. By the way, it’s not about failing, it’s about fighting and surviving such a debilitating state of mind.

In dealing with the aftermath of intense change, such as being a survivor of crime or of war or other indescribable tragedies, there may be nothing or no one for us to reference. We can feel alone, unheard, misunderstood and deprived of direction. Our brain is not supposed to have these sorts of experiences, or so we always believed, therefor to say that we were never fully prepared for them would be an understatement. As we stare blankly into a future that makes little sense, given past traumatic experience, forgetting to look to our birthright (our compass) becomes understandable. This compass of instinctive navigation goes out the door when the mind becomes fixated on making sense of the senselessness life sometimes seems to offer. Within that dark and sometimes stormy landscape of depression, imagine - through newly formed relationships of mutual support and reference - that we discover our comrades who have the power to help us navigate. And imagine, even further, that it is you who possesses the ability to help steer THEM toward some form of peace and self-acceptance.

In truth, the only way to shed light on anything comes through the process of enlightenment. A little simplistic perhaps but it’s also hard to deny. ACCEPTING THE CHALLENGE of filling our mind with NEW information is step one in the process of transformation. Step one involves accepting that invitation which has the potential to unlock a whole new mindset.

Of course, there will be those occasions which lead us to ask, ‘Is the payoff or that evolutionary moment of transformation going to be worth the effort required in getting there?’ Sometimes it’s simply about taking a leap of FAITH and diving into the unknown for the unknown is often where miracles exist! And sometimes, just sometimes, we discover faith to be one of the greatest reference point of all.