THE FIRST STEP
Some people don’t fully realise the true burden of depression. Depression is not just about living with a particular mindset, it’s about enduring this mindset on an everyday basis whilst not knowing HOW to escape it. It is this ‘not knowing’ which is the toughest part of all.
Recognising how your depression came to be is often the first step in understanding how to begin climbing out of it (aka looking to the source). Did those small everyday self-chastisements see you gradually digging deeper and deeper into a depression or did the source involve a major trauma or loss, unexpectedly pushing you into some enormous chasm? No matter the cause, looking to what was playing in your head before you found yourself in the darkness is key:
Were others helping dig the hole/the depression you find yourself in? Were you not good enough for someone or perhaps a lot of people for that matter? Did they let you know this on a regular basis? Let’s turn the whole thing around and ask, what if those same people had encouraged you to tell yourself a truthful story – You are an achiever, uniquely quirky, capable of just about anything. What if they had guided you toward seeing the best in yourself, as opposed to pointing out what they believed were your failures. How would you have developed differently with mentors and positive guides in your life? I ask, did the real problem stem from you or did it more so originate from the people around you, with their destructive negative mindset being a major factor?
If you are a survivor of a crime, do you see yourself as a survivor or someone who has been victimised? In other words, do you see yourself as someone who is strong or someone who is ‘weak’? Remember, despite what you may have been led to believe, our most valued sense of strength has nothing to do with physical ability. Think about it. Are we more inspired by survivor stories or by stories of those who have been physically brutal? In the movie theatre, do we not cheer for the hero or heroine who emerges sometimes bloodied and broken but victorious? How often are we left wishing the villain had won, through their physical strength, selfishness, cruelty or through their psychological manipulation of others?
If you are left facing a seemingly inescapable depression due to the loss of a loved one, what did you come to believe about their life or your life together? Did you believe they would always be in your life? If it was a young person who passed, did you believe you would leave this world before they did? Perhaps you believed your role was to protect them, therefor you may believe you ‘failed’ them in some way by not protecting them 24 hours a day every day, within their environment of personal growth and independence. What do your pre-existing beliefs tell you about what has happened, regarding your loss?
Of course, grief is a multi-faceted mindset. Not only do we have to deal with a pre-existing mindset regarding how someone or something was ‘always meant to be there’ in our life, we are also left to face some form of sensory deprivation. Imagine, for example, losing a loving mother. You face the experience of no longer seeing her, hearing her comforting words or tasting your favourite meal she may have often cooked. And what of no longer sharing the sense of touch through a loving embrace or experiencing the scent of her perfume you adored? What an intense sensory experience she was! By the way, my intention is not to induce upset through this example, it is ultimately to provide greater clarity regarding the role our senses play in life. After all, our senses are often what helps us form relationships in the first place.
In reality, grief is a huge part of depression (unless the depression is simply hormone or chemistry related with no other factors playing a part). I believe much of depression comes down to some form of loss or grief. Whether it be the loss of a loved one or some loss of positive personal identity, climbing out of depression in most cases will involve reformation of the mind. A change of perception will involve a reinvention of beliefs or ideas.
Wading through grief will prove a long process for some and understandably so, given their circumstances, but all endeavours to escape depression can be achieved ultimately through self-love. If LOVE is found in EVOLution, self-love involves a vested interest in personal progression. Yes, it can be more than difficult to love yourself whilst within the mindset of depression, but that love can be expressed in even the simplest of ways. The next time an opportunity arises that involves any form of positive progress, embrace that opportunity no matter how uncomfortable it may initially appear to be. Gift that opportunity to yourself. If it is outside of your comfort zone, remember there is little comfort regarding the zone you may currently be in.
Any process which holds within it the potential for positive reinvention, is a process which provides you with those rungs required to climb up and out of depression. Finding that incredible ladder within the darkness WILL be the greatest challenge of all yet stepping foot on the first wrung will prove to be so deeply rewarding.